23-year-old woman to keep teaching 25-year-old boyfriend basic life skills after it becomes clear he is just using the cooking and cleaning lessons as a way to avoid chores: "It just tastes better when you do it"

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    AITA for refusing to keep 'teaching' my boyfriend basic life skills?

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    me (23f) and my boyfriend (25m) moved in together a few weeks ago. he's always lived at home with his parents, where his mom did literally everything for
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    him laundry, cooking, cleaning, all that. so when he moved in with me, he asked me to help him “learn” how to do things, and at first i thought it was kind of cute.
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    i figured we'd start with cooking since it's a basic life skill and he does like food. so every night while i cooked, he'd hang around the kitchen helping in small ways while i explained what i was doing, how to chop stuff, when to season things, what to watch for on the stove.
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    then this week i found a few super simple recipes, things he already likes, and told him to try cooking on his own. he tried for a bit, then suddenly didn't know how to cut stuff, or said "it just tastes better when you do it." and i ended up stepping in, like always.
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    and it's not just cooking, either. i've been doing most of the laundry, cleaning the bathroom, picking up after him, even reminding him to take the trash
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    out. when i ask him to help, he gives me this look like he's never even heard of a vacuum cleaner before. sometimes he'll start something, then get kind of stuck or confused, and just wait for me to finish it.
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    and sometimes he just doesn't do it at all. it feels like he's kind of pretending not to know how, and knows if he waits long enough, i'll just do it myself. i told him i didn't sign up to be like his second mom
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    and that i'm getting tired of doing everything on my own. it kind of feels like he might be using that "i can't do it" thing to get out of helping, but i'm not really sure. is it weaponized incompetence?
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    he got kind of upset after i said that and told me relationships are about helping each other, and that maybe i could be a little nicer to him or something. but i don't get it, i've been helping so much already.
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    it's just really frustrating when i ask him to do the simplest things and he's like, "i don't know how" or "you do it way better."
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    i told my mom, and she said i should be grateful he even wants to learn at all (??). he thinks maybe i just don't want to help him understand or be more
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    patient with him. but, i don't think it's too much to expect a 25 year old grown man to at least try to figure out how to do basic stuff without me holding his hand every step of the way.
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    notadruggie31 Thats just weaponized incompetence. I understand asking for help at first, but its not hard to pick up any of those skills, hes just pretending to not know how to so he can make you do it. NTA
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    wonkiefaeriekitty5 Ohh yeah! OP, Go back to doing just your laundry, cook for yourself, clean only what you mess up!
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    The petty Betty in me thinks that you should only make half of the bed, vacuum only your side of the room. You get the point!
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    Prickly Pear2165 Same. I told my partner his apparent inability to do basic chores and tasks was making me view him as a simpleton and the attraction was dwindling by the day.
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    Material-Hedgehog-84 Serious question: how was that received? I might need to have that conversation soon.
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    Prickly Pear2165 It truly shocked him that I viewed him as a simpleton, also told him my home life would be easier and calmer without him and that I fantasized about my own nice, clean place
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    We are now married 17 years, and he does dishes, vacuums, laundry, makes the bed, feeds the cat. Is proud of it and calls other men 'bums' that don't take care of their house.
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    Lucky_Platypus341 Definitely weaponized incompetence. He should be embarrassed at his behavior because it's pathetic. He wants to play at being an adult without actually taking any responsibility to lean how to be an adult.
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    My teen son asked me to teach him how to cook. As I showed him, he pulled out his phone and took detailed notes. He repeatedly told me, "let me try that. Like this?" I constantly had to step back so he could do it BECAUSE HE WANTED TO LEARN.
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    Sparklingwine23 NTA, return him to his mother and say you'd like to exchange him for a functioning adult. She's done him a disservice and you should not indulge him, nor should your mother.
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    JennaLuxe2004 NTA, I swear some of these dudes think moving in with a gf = maid service included, He's 25 not 5, If he wanted a teacher he should go back to school

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